I've often been thought of as the sarcastic,cocky, quick witted girl, with the raunchy, foul, racist, inappropriate against the human race, jokes. People may not describe me in those exact words, but if you've ever read my other blog 'So There I Was' you know that I've not always been particularly tactful with a clean use of vocabulary. I don't know how else to describe myself but as someone who sees it now. My intention in life was never to hurt someone's feelings, offend anyone with my view points, or ridicule anyone else for theirs. Trust me when I tell you that I failed many, many times at meeting those intentions. There will come a day when I will be called out on my past. I might be completely discredited by people because of the glaring contradictions that exist between the me of now and the me of then. I am not suggesting that I've somehow transformed into Pollyanna or Mary Poppins, or that I'm not the same person I used to be. Lord knows I can't sing. And as far as I can tell, I still have all those pieces of my personality.What I am doing is sharing my desire to be better. What I'm doing is inviting you to grow with me.
I'm incredibly ignorant about a lot of things. Calculus, Art History, Car repair, investing, raising children and cooking, to give you a taste of things I am poorly versed on. Watching the news is so confusing to me because it just leaves me asking questions. Most often questions about why any Kardashian is even worth the air time when there are so many more important things to cover. I've always been idealistic and opinionated. Yes, even about things I have no idea about. The word you are looking for is arrogant. That would be me.
The past 10 months have been incredibly humbling. I have gone from the perfect suicide plan to a passion for doing something that makes the world a better place. A desire to give of my time, treasures and talents to be the change I want to see in the world. Ghandi wasn't making a joke with that one. Neither was Jesus Christ when he said we are all loved by God and that we should love our neighbor like ourselves.
Talking about God seems to be such an uncomfortable, itchy, twitchy thing. This blog will talk about my faith, my walk, and my gratitude for every second of my life, then and now. It is because of God that I am happier, healthier, involved, and encouraged. I don't know exactly what the term "born again christian" means. I know it makes me think of schizophrenics and serial killers. On what basis I got this idea probably goes back to the list of things I am completely ignorant about. I've spent years avoiding Christianity because of my general belief that all Christians are born again and that they were all raving lunatics. (Judge much? Yep I sure did.) Having spent a large part of my adult life reading about various religions and beliefs, the one thing that lurked in the back of my mind was that I wouldn't adopt a belief with blind faith. I had the same catch phrase of a lot of other people, most notably on every dating site I have ever used. "I'm not religious. I'm spiritual." Which makes me a bit ashamed that I used such an easy way out. It was my way of saying "I want you to think I am a good person, who has the ability to think on a deeper, more meaningful level. A level that is socially acceptable to the world I live in and doesn't make people judge me as a raving lunatic." Modern day religions have had plenty of unsavory secrets that have been unearthed and crucified. People in such a high level of community engagement simply cannot be trusted and therefore the religion is just quackery and should possibly be taken out of society as much as possible. Who would ever put their faith in such a thing? Can I introduce you to Bill Clinton and the unsavory level of satisfaction Americans have with our elected officials in general? The damage, and unforgivable-ness, of uncovered misdeeds and outright crimes are treated very differently based on the social beliefs of a person. So on this "spiritual" quest, I hoped to find a religion that made sense, I didn't believe in any religious faith that promoted killing in the name of God. I wanted my religion to reassure me that I was a good, honest person and that life would transition, through the process of dying, into something else. I wanted a religion that didn't ask me for money or require me to actually do anything. As a matter of fact, I wanted a religion that was respected, morally perfect and socially trendy.
Yeah- that didn't happen.
The joke was on me.
In what world do people get to pick and choose what is right based on their own experience? Maybe that's where the Kardashians live, but not us common folk. Picking only bits and pieces of a religious tradition is like basing health insurance reimbursement on patient satisfaction. The reality is that if the patient would have listened to the expert and followed each necessary recommendation the patient would most likely be much better off and have lower healthcare costs. But apparently insurance companies would rather base the payout for health care on how quickly a call light gets answered or how good the hospital food is. Note that they don't care if the patient dies, as long as whoever answered that questionnaire was "satisfied". The one thing that I can tell you about patient satisfaction, having been a nurse for 19 years now, is that patients who are thankful for their care, and see their healthcare as something that should never be taken for granted, will always be more satisfied.
This blog is about trying to be less "SELF" centered and more grateful for the life I do have. Gratitude unlocks happiness and fulfillment; happiness and fulfillment can be contagious and before you know it, the world has changed.
A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down.
In Your honor,
Brooke
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